One Last Run
When soft flakes turned into a blinding storm, Roger veered off the ski path. A black diamond skier, he led the way through dense trees.
He was gone now. I was alone, lying on my back staring up at a sky of stars blinking through wispy clouds. As soon as his gray jacket disappeared from sight, I’d packed snow over the gaping hole in my stomach to slow the blood flow.
How naïve I’d been to believe Roger when he said we had time for one more trip down. Now I was slowly bleeding out and freezing to death while Roger most likely sat by the fire, drinking his favorite wine, watching his gloves burn – the ones he’d worn when he shot me. I wished I had a glass of Cabernet now. So many times I’d turned it down, worried it would send my blood sugar skyrocketing.
He’d get away with it. No one would notice his blood when there was so much of mine. After he shot me, he’d smiled. When he leaned over to kiss my lips, I scratched his face. He used a tree limb to break my leg then scraped my fingernails to make sure he got rid of any traces of DNA. He hadn’t noticed his own blood dripping on my forearm.
No one else would either. I eased my hand into my pocket and pulled out the blood sugar meter. His blood had started to congeal, so I pushed the stick into the tiny pool and let it soak in. Then I emptied my lip balm and driver’s license out of the zip bag and put the stick in. Clutching the sealed evidence in my palm, I stared up at the trees and sky.
Stars winked before sliding behind clouds as a cold quiet seeped into my bones.
5 years ago
That was excellent Helen. They do say diabetes can lower your life expectancy. Maybe it'll lower Roger's as well, depending on which State they're in.
ReplyDeleteNicely written! Great characters :)
ReplyDeleteDeliciously wicked, Helen!
ReplyDeleteThe narrator is a smart woman.
Elizabeth
Mystery Writing is Murder
Mystery Lovers’ Kitchen
Sweet, Helen. Lots of story, imagery and emotion in a quick read. Flash Fiction, hmm? Perfect for blog post publishing, too. Gives The Old Silly some ideas. (wink)
ReplyDeleteClever! I enjoyed reading this and would love to see more.
ReplyDeleteThat was great - although a little depressing!
ReplyDeleteWhoa, great surprise factor going on here! You need to cross over the editing line into writing more often. Your words pull no punches! Very nice.
ReplyDeleteThank you all, gentle reviewers. This was my first. Don't think I'll do it all that often, but it was fun.
ReplyDeleteI do hope you don't mean that. this was an excellent story with great economy on words! What a pleasant surprise this morning. :)
ReplyDeleteIt was fun to do and it certainly gave me even more admiration of those who do flash fiction.
ReplyDeleteoh, please, more when you can...it was delicious!
ReplyDeletechilling story:white-out day::ghost story:campfire!!
Your very first flash fiction was wonderful, Helen!
ReplyDeleteYou do it so well and I hope you continue with more stories.
Kudos!
Beautfully written, Helen. I can't imagine why you're not already a published mystery writer. You must finish this.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of mystery novels, you won a copy of Mary Kennedy's award winning novel, Dead Air. Please get in touch (Novelwinner@aol.com).
Thanks,
Jean
http://mysteriouspeople.blogspot.com/
I love flash- both reading it and writing it. This is a really great effort. Spot on how you started in the middle of the action and love the ending.
ReplyDeleteHelen, this is a terrific story and to me reads like the opening of a novel. Like some of the others here, I really encourage you to explore more fiction writing.
ReplyDeleteLove it! Can we have some more please?
ReplyDeleteOkay, y'all are being just too nice. You're making me swell up like a balloon. I'd better send out a query letter - that'll bring me back to earth.
ReplyDelete;-)
Great flash piece! I actually got a chill. I love the way the evidence pulls you beyond the ending...
ReplyDeleteThis is great! I've never been a fan of short fiction. Perhaps I should rethink!
ReplyDeleteMore, please.
Oh Helen you've got to do at least one more - tell us what happens to Roger. Does he finally get what's coming to him or does he get by with it and does it again? Waiting on pins and needles.
ReplyDeleteGreat job, very intriguing.
ReplyDeleteHmm, Mason, I never really thought for sure what happens to Roger.
ReplyDeleteThis could be a great start to one of the CSI shows. Not the Miami version I guess though I hear it's pretty cold in Florida lately.
ReplyDeleteThe Miami version is my least favorite. The guy drives me nuts when he tilts his head to look at people.
ReplyDeleteDelightfully wicked and concise! I hope you will write flash more often!
ReplyDeleteYou read like an old hand at it, Helen. And I didn't find it depressing at all, more of an "up yours!" LOL
ReplyDeleteWow, that's dark, Helen! Not depressing but dark. How did you come up with such a "nice, smiling" killer?
ReplyDeleteReally Angelic
The murderous side of me, Enid.
ReplyDeleteAs I was reading this story, I thought the concern about blood sugar was a great character detail. And then it turned into a perfect plot detail. Good stuff. And thanks for reminding me to grab a glass of wine :)
ReplyDeleteGreat flash fiction, Helen. And, as others have said, I think it would be a great beginning to a mystery novel.
ReplyDeleteLillie Ammann
A Writer's Words, An Editor's Eye
Loved it, Helen!
ReplyDeleteYou've created a protagonist we care about and a fun story in so few words.
Awesome.
Wow, Helen! Add teaching me flash fiction to the list of instructions I need from you. Great story.
ReplyDelete