Sunday, January 10, 2010

One Last Run

Flash Fiction is new to me, but I'm seeing more of it as I visit blogs, so I thought today I'd offer my own Sunday Story.

One Last Run

When soft flakes turned into a blinding storm, Roger veered off the ski path. A black diamond skier, he led the way through dense trees.

He was gone now. I was alone, lying on my back staring up at a sky of stars blinking through wispy clouds. As soon as his gray jacket disappeared from sight, I’d packed snow over the gaping hole in my stomach to slow the blood flow.

How na├»ve I’d been to believe Roger when he said we had time for one more trip down. Now I was slowly bleeding out and freezing to death while Roger most likely sat by the fire, drinking his favorite wine, watching his gloves burn – the ones he’d worn when he shot me. I wished I had a glass of Cabernet now. So many times I’d turned it down, worried it would send my blood sugar skyrocketing.

He’d get away with it. No one would notice his blood when there was so much of mine. After he shot me, he’d smiled. When he leaned over to kiss my lips, I scratched his face. He used a tree limb to break my leg then scraped my fingernails to make sure he got rid of any traces of DNA. He hadn’t noticed his own blood dripping on my forearm.

No one else would either. I eased my hand into my pocket and pulled out the blood sugar meter. His blood had started to congeal, so I pushed the stick into the tiny pool and let it soak in. Then I emptied my lip balm and driver’s license out of the zip bag and put the stick in. Clutching the sealed evidence in my palm, I stared up at the trees and sky.

Stars winked before sliding behind clouds as a cold quiet seeped into my bones.

TweetIt from HubSpot

32 comments:

  1. That was excellent Helen. They do say diabetes can lower your life expectancy. Maybe it'll lower Roger's as well, depending on which State they're in.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Nicely written! Great characters :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Sweet, Helen. Lots of story, imagery and emotion in a quick read. Flash Fiction, hmm? Perfect for blog post publishing, too. Gives The Old Silly some ideas. (wink)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Clever! I enjoyed reading this and would love to see more.

    ReplyDelete
  5. That was great - although a little depressing!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Whoa, great surprise factor going on here! You need to cross over the editing line into writing more often. Your words pull no punches! Very nice.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Thank you all, gentle reviewers. This was my first. Don't think I'll do it all that often, but it was fun.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I do hope you don't mean that. this was an excellent story with great economy on words! What a pleasant surprise this morning. :)

    ReplyDelete
  9. It was fun to do and it certainly gave me even more admiration of those who do flash fiction.

    ReplyDelete
  10. oh, please, more when you can...it was delicious!
    chilling story:white-out day::ghost story:campfire!!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Your very first flash fiction was wonderful, Helen!

    You do it so well and I hope you continue with more stories.

    Kudos!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Beautfully written, Helen. I can't imagine why you're not already a published mystery writer. You must finish this.

    Speaking of mystery novels, you won a copy of Mary Kennedy's award winning novel, Dead Air. Please get in touch (Novelwinner@aol.com).

    Thanks,
    Jean
    http://mysteriouspeople.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  13. I love flash- both reading it and writing it. This is a really great effort. Spot on how you started in the middle of the action and love the ending.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Helen, this is a terrific story and to me reads like the opening of a novel. Like some of the others here, I really encourage you to explore more fiction writing.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Love it! Can we have some more please?

    ReplyDelete
  16. Okay, y'all are being just too nice. You're making me swell up like a balloon. I'd better send out a query letter - that'll bring me back to earth.

    ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  17. Great flash piece! I actually got a chill. I love the way the evidence pulls you beyond the ending...

    ReplyDelete
  18. This is great! I've never been a fan of short fiction. Perhaps I should rethink!

    More, please.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Oh Helen you've got to do at least one more - tell us what happens to Roger. Does he finally get what's coming to him or does he get by with it and does it again? Waiting on pins and needles.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Hmm, Mason, I never really thought for sure what happens to Roger.

    ReplyDelete
  21. This could be a great start to one of the CSI shows. Not the Miami version I guess though I hear it's pretty cold in Florida lately.

    ReplyDelete
  22. The Miami version is my least favorite. The guy drives me nuts when he tilts his head to look at people.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Delightfully wicked and concise! I hope you will write flash more often!

    ReplyDelete
  24. You read like an old hand at it, Helen. And I didn't find it depressing at all, more of an "up yours!" LOL

    ReplyDelete
  25. Wow, that's dark, Helen! Not depressing but dark. How did you come up with such a "nice, smiling" killer?

    Really Angelic

    ReplyDelete
  26. The murderous side of me, Enid.

    ReplyDelete
  27. As I was reading this story, I thought the concern about blood sugar was a great character detail. And then it turned into a perfect plot detail. Good stuff. And thanks for reminding me to grab a glass of wine :)

    ReplyDelete
  28. Great flash fiction, Helen. And, as others have said, I think it would be a great beginning to a mystery novel.

    Lillie Ammann
    A Writer's Words, An Editor's Eye

    ReplyDelete
  29. Loved it, Helen!
    You've created a protagonist we care about and a fun story in so few words.
    Awesome.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Wow, Helen! Add teaching me flash fiction to the list of instructions I need from you. Great story.

    ReplyDelete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...