Descriptions

When you're describing characters, do you give them a one or two word defining description? For example, a guy has "untrimmed facial hair". Then you use that description several more times for that particular character. That will work. The reader will remember the character and know immediately who you're referring to.

But why repeat the description? Consider other similar descriptive words that you can use. You could say "unshaven" or "scraggy" or "bristly" or even "stubbly". 

How about colors? Rather than saying her dress was blue or the house was painted blue, how about "robin's egg" or "indigo" or "steel blue". There are all kinds of words that show blue, like sapphire or marine. A "blue" can be  defined by adding another color or word, like "greenish blue" or reddish blue, or Dresden blue or peacock blue.

What if a character is feeling uneasy about something? That doesn't really give us an image of him or her. Is he restless? Jittery? Is she nervous? Fidgety? Ill at ease?

If a character is combative, is he defiant or belligerent? Scrappy or rambunctious?

Sometimes you know the exact word to describe someone or something. Sometimes you have to think about the best word to describe someone or something. You can use a thesaurus. Or a dictionary. Or you start your own list of descriptive words that you know or hear.

Get the right word rather than take the first word that comes to mind. Use the word that will immediately bring a visual into the reader's head -- the visual that you want them to have.

Lisa J. Jackson's Love of Words

I invite you all to come meet Lisa J. Jackson. She's one of the editors at Story Circle Network's Editorial Services. And today, she's posting over on The Blood-Red Pencil.

She's talking about spelling and how she fell in love with words.

I love how she started her post:

I loved it when I started learning how to spell as a kid. Spelling expanded a world I only knew visually and verbally into layers. Each new word was a precious stone added to my life’s treasure chest.

 Come over and read her delightful post and then tell her which words you fell in love with. Or maybe you have a favorite word you'd like post in the comments section.

Ann Summerville

If you follow Ann Summerville’s blog, Cozy in Texas, then you know she wasn’t born in Texas. She was born in London, lived in California, then made her way to Texas twenty years ago. She writes the Lowenna series and graciously agreed to talk about the English language.

Ann Summerville 

 When I first moved to Texas I was shopping in Sears and the sales clerk asked where I was from. When I told her I had moved from England she sighed and said she had travelled extensively, but was concerned with not knowing other languages. She then asked what language they spoke in England. I looked at her for what seemed a full minute trying to judge if she was joking. She wasn’t.

But English, whether written or spoken, can be different, which became even more evident when I started writing my first novel, A Graceful Death.

As the book was based in Cornwall, I wrote it with all the English phrases using words like car park instead of parking lot, windscreen wipers instead of windshield, frock instead of dress, lorry instead of truck – you get the picture. It was when I began to read in front of a critique group that I realized many of the English words and phrases were completely baffling the listeners. I decided to write for an American audience and what resulted was a mixture of English and American English. Hopefully, my English readers won’t be too critical and my American readers will be able to read the story without stopping to try and understand what a bin man (trash collector) or bonnet (car hood) is. Any uncommon words to the American ear, I described or elaborated upon. The word grey was replaced with gray (except Earl Grey tea) and towards was replaced with toward.

Then there’s the punctuation. Again, I used American punctuation. What’s the difference you may ask? In England single quote marks are used and the full stop (period) comes after the quote mark.
And the young sales girl? After explaining that they spoke English in England, she then divulged all the places she had travelled to: East Texas, West Texas and South Texas. Where, apparently, they all spoke English.

Thank you Ann.

Ann Summerville lives with her son, two boisterous dogs and an elusive cat. She is currently working on the third novel in the Lowenna series, Gwinnel Gardens. Her latest novel, The Berton Hotel was published in 2011.

Here's an excerpt from The Berton Hotel

          Welcome to Crystal Wells. Lily glanced at the sign, wondering if her great grandmother, Ermenia, had passed here before leaving and if she’d thought about the young daughter she’d left behind. Vanished, without a trace, disappeared into thin air. Lily conjured up all the phrases used when her great grandmother was mentioned.
          She’d had three days of driving to think about her decision. But what was the force pushing her toward this desolate town? To solve the mystery of Ermenia’s disappearance, to get away from a disastrous relationship, to advance her career? Lily was still unsure.
          The Darth Vadar theme blasted from her bag, and with one hand on the wheel, she fumbled between the lipstick case, receipts, antibacterial gel and credit cards before feeling the smooth mobile phone.
          “Stop calling,” Lily yelled into the phone without connecting to the call. She snapped it shut with a finality she did not feel.
          As far as she was concerned there were two types of men. Deserters like her father and control freaks like Eric. Lily tossed her phone and it fell amongst the jumble in her bag.

You can find The Berton Hotel on Amazon, in both print and for the Kindle.

Before you zip off to Amazon, though, leave a comment or question for Ann – but type slowly since, well, you know she wasn’t born here. And  also, by the magical powers of the Internet, I'm over on Ann's blog today. Drop by and say hi to me, too.

Part 2: The Silliness of English

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with "quick"?

Disclaimer: I cannot take credit for either Part 1 or Part 2 of "The Silliness of English". I rather suspect they were written by a frustrated high school English teacher.

Part 1: The Silliness of English

To celebrate Thanksgiving, here's a bit of the silliness of the English language:

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert..
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Disclaimer: I did not write these wonderful silly samples. They were sent to me by a friend, who got them from a friend, who....

Eat lots of turkey (or ham or whatever), then come back Saturday for another dip in the silliness bucket.

Word Play

I received this from a friend who got it from a friend who … well, who knows where it originated. It’s a bit of fun word play.

I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.

I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, and family.

I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.

I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.

I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.

Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.

One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!

More Paraprosdokians

This past Wednesday, I started this list of figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. Here’s the wrap-up of them. Enjoy!

Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot. (That one is for author Ann Summerville. Read my review of her book, if you’re wondering why.)

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.

You're never too old to learn something stupid.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

Thanks to my “word wizard” Bill Wheeless for these paraprosdokians.

Paraprosdokians

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax. For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it's still on the list.

If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.

A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.

Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "In an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

Smile or Groan

Here are some Puns for Educated Minds.

* The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

* I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

* She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

* A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

* No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

* A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

* A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

* Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

* A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

* Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

* Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

* Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

* I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

* A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

* The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

* The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

* A backward poet writes inverse.

* In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

* If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

* A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

* Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

* Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says, 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

* There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

If you enjoyed those, you can thank my friend Bill Wheeless, who sends me fun stuff like this.

Southerner's Medical Dictionary

Artery.................... The study of paintings
Bacteria.................. Back door to the cafeteria
Barium.................... What doctors do when patients die
Benign.................... What you be, after you be eight
Caesarean Section......... A neighborhood in Rome
Cat scan.................. Searching for Kitty
Cauterize................. Made eye contact with her
Colic..................... A sheep dog
Coma...................... A punctuation mark
Dilate.................... To live long
Enema..................... Not a friend
Fester.................... Quicker than someone else
Fibula.................... A small lie
Impotent.................. Distinguished, well known
Labor Pain................ Getting hurt at work
Medical Staff............. A Doctor's cane
Morbid.................... A higher offer
Nitrates.................. Cheaper than day rates
Node...................... I knew it
Outpatient................ A person who has fainted
Pelvis.................... Second cousin to Elvis
Post Operative............ A letter carrier
Recovery Room............. Place to do upholstery
Rectum.................... Dang near killed him
Secretion................. Hiding something
Seizure................... Roman emperor
Tablet.................... A small table
Terminal Illness.......... Getting sick at the airport
Tumor..................... One plus one more
Urine..................... Opposite of you're out

I'm always trying to help y'all understand words and complicated terms. Southerners have the lowest stress rate because they do not take medical terminology seriously. You’re going to die anyway, so live life (and don't worry so much).

These were sent to me by my friend and living dictionary, Bill Wheeless.

Logophilia

This is for all you Logophiles (lovers of words…you know—you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish or ... I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me ... etc.)

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles , U.C.L.A.

The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

The batteries were given out free of charge.

A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

A will is a dead giveaway.

If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

Acupuncture: a jab well done.

Puns for Educated Minds

A friend of mine, Bill Wheeless, sent these puns. He didn’t write them. He got them from someone else who got them from someone else who ... well, who knows who originally wrote them. I don’t. I do, however, hope you enjoy them.

The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Circumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Word Play

A friend sent this to me so I thought I’d share.

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are the winners:

• Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

• Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole..

• Intaxicaton: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

• Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

• Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

• Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

• Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high

• Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

• Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

• Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

• Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

• Decafalon (n.: The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

• Glibido : All talk and no action.

• Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

• Arachnoleptic Fit (n.: The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

• Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

• Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.


The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

And the winners are:
• Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.

• Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

• Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

• Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

• Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.

• Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

• Lymph, v.. To walk with a lisp.

• Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

• Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

• Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.

• Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.

• Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

• Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.

• Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

• Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

• Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men