Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Smile or Groan

Here are some Puns for Educated Minds.

* The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

* I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

* She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

* A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

* No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

* A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

* A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

* Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

* A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

* Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

* Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

* Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

* I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

* A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

* The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

* The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

* A backward poet writes inverse.

* In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

* If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

* A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

* Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

* Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says, 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

* There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

If you enjoyed those, you can thank my friend Bill Wheeless, who sends me fun stuff like this.


  1. This was my first stop of the day, and you started it off just right - with a chuckle.

  2. I think there is nothing finer than a great pun. I was at my friend's house a number of years ago and he told me he'd read a newspaper report of fish raining out of the sky. I asked him "what sort of fish". He replied, "I don't know. What difference does it make?" and I answered. "I thought it might be cod because you know - cod moves in mysterious ways!"
    That is a true story and I was so thrilled to happen upon a pun...

  3. Gotta love a morning smile...and Jan's pun above too.

  4. Thanks for the laugh! They were all groan-worthy. :)

  5. Delightful,Helen.These are just delightful.

  6. You're quick, Jan. That was cute. Did your friend laugh?

    Mornin' everyone!

  7. Perhaps a nice "retreat" for you and Jan is in order.

    Great way to start my day.

  8. I didn't know whether to laugh or groan so I did both. Thanks for that.

  9. I loved them Helen. I like some of the more subtle ones.

    My husband creates one liners and puns too, some are funny and others I'd like to expunge from my memory.

  10. Start writing them down, Sia! You'd have a blog post before long.

  11. I must send the one about a 'weapon of math destruction' to my friend Mari Castle, PhD, who is a math professor at Kennesaw State University. Oh, it's a much better reason than that. She is a rollergirl on the team Denim Demons in Atlanta. Her rollergirl name? Quadratic Abrasion. Their webpage lists her weapons of choice as "a calculator and a bad attitude!"

    OK, off subject, I know. But I hoped it would bring a laugh to someone. Or two.

  12. Loved them. Thanks for posting. Starting the morning with a chuckle is always nice.

  13. KP, is that Kennesaw SU as in Kennesaw Mountain? Kennesaw Mountain was a stomping ground for me as a child. Mari Castle sounds like a fun friend!

    Hi Maryann.

  14. Helen, he has a folder of them. Before the computer ease I had notebooks with them. He, at one time, was a radio DJ. lol!

  15. LOL, ok I gotta tweet this one ... too rich!

    Marvin D Wilson

  16. Puns are my absolute favorite :) Thank you so much for sharing!!!

    Sarah Allen
    (my creative writing blog)

  17. Sia, "he" as in my friend Bill? I'll have to ask him if he was ever a DJ. He's never mentioned it. That could be funny.

    Sarah Allen, puns are especially fun because they're funny and they make you think.

  18. I was chuckling at some of these earlier just before heading out, and I'm chuckling now as I read the rest. I especially love the midget fortune-teller. :D

  19. These are so great! Everyone deserves a break to read stuff like this now and then. Very fun.

  20. I do enjoy a good pun...and these are great! So clever. :)

  21. The small medium at large one got me.

  22. I like the baseball one. I saw it on a t-shirt once, only it was a Frizbee instead.

  23. Definitely a groan with a smile.

  24. It nice to get to smile or laugh at least once a day.

  25. Great puns and a good way to end my evening laughing.

    Thoughts in Progress

  26. Hi Mason! Glad I could end your day with a laugh.

  27. what fun ~ thanks for the laugh:)

  28. Some groans are better than others, and these definitely qualify. Groaning delightedly.

  29. Huh? Oh, you said 'educated minds'.


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