Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Southerner's Medical Dictionary

Artery.................... The study of paintings
Bacteria.................. Back door to the cafeteria
Barium.................... What doctors do when patients die
Benign.................... What you be, after you be eight
Caesarean Section......... A neighborhood in Rome
Cat scan.................. Searching for Kitty
Cauterize................. Made eye contact with her
Colic..................... A sheep dog
Coma...................... A punctuation mark
Dilate.................... To live long
Enema..................... Not a friend
Fester.................... Quicker than someone else
Fibula.................... A small lie
Impotent.................. Distinguished, well known
Labor Pain................ Getting hurt at work
Medical Staff............. A Doctor's cane
Morbid.................... A higher offer
Nitrates.................. Cheaper than day rates
Node...................... I knew it
Outpatient................ A person who has fainted
Pelvis.................... Second cousin to Elvis
Post Operative............ A letter carrier
Recovery Room............. Place to do upholstery
Rectum.................... Dang near killed him
Secretion................. Hiding something
Seizure................... Roman emperor
Tablet.................... A small table
Terminal Illness.......... Getting sick at the airport
Tumor..................... One plus one more
Urine..................... Opposite of you're out

I'm always trying to help y'all understand words and complicated terms. Southerners have the lowest stress rate because they do not take medical terminology seriously. You’re going to die anyway, so live life (and don't worry so much).

These were sent to me by my friend and living dictionary, Bill Wheeless.

27 comments:

  1. ha ha, always useful to have foreign language explained! I should do a post on Sefrican English (That is, South African English) and explain words like Eish! Howzit, my bru! and other local phrases that we use without realising how it befuddles our visitors! :)
    Judy (South Africa)

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  2. That would be helpful, Judy. I'm gonna guess here...Not sure about Eish (I'm thinking "English" or non-native South African). Howzit means "how is it going?" and Bru means "brother." Am I at all close?

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  3. These are hilarious! I've thought of doing a post of Southernism's on my blog, but never have.

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  4. You can still do it, bermudaonion. We have plenty to go around!

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  5. Oh these had me in stitches. I'd read one, like benign, and think Oh, that's my favorite. Then I'd read the next and love that one even more. Really Helen, you have to use this jargon in a book, please!

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  6. A cup of coffee and a morning chuckle. The day is off to a good start.

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  7. Hahaha I loved this list. :-)

    Completely agree with Judy. We do tend to use words that completely befuddle our visitors...

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  8. These are great! So funny. I kept saying 'this is my favorite' all the way to the end. You started my day off right.

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  9. Ha! Too funny ... love regional slang interpretations like these. :-)

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  10. Hi Helen .. way too much fun - lots of points to chat about .. great laughing point ..

    Thanks to you and the wonderful Bill Wheeless .. cheers given me a laugh for the day .. Hilary

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  11. Ooh, good idea, Joanne. That could lead to confusion or even a fight between characters.

    I'm so glad everyone liked them. I was a bit worried that some Southerners might be offended, but it's hard to offend when they come from a fellow Southerner.

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  12. And who said Southerners don't know how to have fun? These are great, thanks for sharing.

    Mason
    Thoughts in Progress

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  13. Funny! Barium really tickled my funnybone. :D

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  14. I love it! I just kept nodding my head as I read off the list. :) Thanks for sharing!

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  15. Glad you all liked them. Especially you Elizabeth. You write Southern!

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  16. Bwaha, these are a hoot! Thanks for sharing them, and thanks to your friend for passing them along in the first place. :)

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  17. Flatulent: That apartment y'all let me borrow.

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  18. As a nurse I applaud the list! How wonderful. :)

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  19. Lol, Helen. I love your southern medical terms. I'm from a long line of southerners, from Georgia to Texas, and there's a dollup of truth in your list. :)

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  20. Too funny. I'm sending this to my sister who lives in the deep, deep south. And she's a nurse. Maybe it will help her get along with her patients.

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  21. Jean, we might be cousins. I come from Georgia to Texas.

    Hope it works for her Susan!

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  22. I don't laugh out loud at blog posts all that often - I did on this one several times! Those are great - thanks for sharing :)

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  23. Nothing better than making someone smile or laugh!

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  24. Ha! Thanks for the laugh. We should all dilate. :)

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  25. Very funny >:D

    To be serious: The variability in jargon and slang in US English, British English, Australian English and South African English is sometimes confusing to 2nd-language English speakers like me. But most of all, I find it very interesting, and if there's something I don't understand, I just ask. No problem >:)

    Cold As Heaven

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  26. Very true, Cold As Heaven. If you took me and plopped me down in, say, the Bronx up north, I would be totally lost - and that's without leaving the U.S.

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  27. Try leaving your home shore. landing in New Zealand had me confused for years.

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